she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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