the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
