you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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