Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let's get the cat blown out
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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