So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
