We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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