I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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