i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
