There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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