Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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