Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
