He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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