she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
