I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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