Plan B is the new Plan A
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
