You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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