I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
