Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize