I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
