Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize