NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize