Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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