This is not my ceiling
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
