This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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