and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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