Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
