I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
