I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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