i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
