speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
