He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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