I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You are a genius and a whore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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