Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
