My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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