I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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