Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
