OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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