we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
