I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
