His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
