There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
