the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
