sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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