Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He better not be in your backpack
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We are all done wearing pants today
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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