Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need moral support for this bender
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
