i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
farters have to be the big spoon...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
