she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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