Someone shit on the floor
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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