i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
