I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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