The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
