Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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