well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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