Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
