Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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