if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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