the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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