so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
