He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
