OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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