Your tits are I can't wait for
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
