how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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