I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My ass is underappreciated
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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