I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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