I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
