Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
