Where is the hickey?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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