i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize